Yesterday was a fairly bad day as I despondently obsessed about my dissertation. On the bright side, I managed to ride 45 minutes on my bike trainer. It was so cold in the morning I couldn't find the courage to ride outside. Plus, this is Florida. I don't have the clothing to ride in weather like that. Run? Yes. Ride? No way. Maybe I'll buy a wind breaker, gloves and some nice riding tights when all the winter clothes go on sale at Performance Bike.

As for the dissertation...I don't know. Seems like there is never enough motivation to push things forward. I excel at the one thing which has my full attention. I want my dissertation to hold this place, however, I get easily distracted by the menial tasks of life. It's hard to know what to do. No one is going to do my laundry, cook, and clean my house for me. Sure, my beloved husband helps out but he doesn't want to have to do it all the time. This leaves a big void. We don't have enough money so I have to work but work wants more time from me than I can give. My friends are already fed up with the current situation. Either they will last through this or they won't. Or, maybe I'll just quit and end up a big failure. That would be fun.

On the bright side, I managed to do more than continue my experiments yesterday. Today is going along the same lines. I used to think I would be happy if I could do one thing a day for my degree. That is not enough. There is a certain level of progress I want each day to make me happy, unfortunately, I usually lack the motivation to make that happen. Maybe it's because these are tasks that could result in small confrontations, unpleasantness, or answers I don't want to hear. Who knows. I know that my back is against the wall and there is no long run or long ride to make the feeling go away. The stress is constant.

The swim. The mystique.

Where would triathlon be without the swim? If it were replaced with a different individual sport, say rollerblading, more people would do it. But swim, people say, how far? In a lake or, worse, the ocean? The swim creates a flame that draws some to triathlon while driving others away.

Today was my first day back in the pool in....months. Several months. Maybe as long as 7-8 months. Only 500 yds today. Nothing big. That used to be my warmup.

Not anymore. The first few moments were exhilarating. The feel of the water over my body, sparkling blue water, the shimmer of the waves on the bottom of the pool. Outdoors on a beautiful if unseasonably warm Florida winter day. Pure bliss.

Then my body remembered: this is hard. Arm muscles protested after the hard day they put in yesterday at the wine store. Lungs demanded more of the air that is so easily available during the bike and the run. My never ending battle to keep water out of my Seal mask. The irritation when pool water meets my contact lenses.

I loved it. Can't wait to go back.